Without His Light
by CarlyWinchester
Summary: Nico comes back from a trip to the Underworld and finds out that, while he was gone, one of them campers died. Trigger Warning: Self-harm and suicide.


When Nico returned to camp, something felt different – darker. The sun was shining, as usual, but it wasn't giving off its regular summer warmth or glow. The atmosphere seemed to reek of gloom and mourning. As Nico walked by, the other campers seemed to cower away from him. Then he saw a familiar face.

"Percy!" Nico ran up to the son of Poseidon, who winced upon hearing his name. "What's going on with camp?" Nico asked. Percy hesitated. He looked at Grover who was uncomfortably shifting from one hove to the other. Neither demigod nor satyr looked at the son of Hades. "Percy, what's going on?" Nico asked again, feeling uneasy at the hesitation.

"Uh…" Percy gulped. "Well, uh, while you were in the Underworld visiting your father, um, there was a call for a quest." Percy looked to the lake, as if asking his father how to proceed. "It was a small thing, just a few campers went. But…they…failed." Percy spoke as if each word hurt him.

"They died?" Nico asked, gently. Percy nodded and Grover bit his shirt. When Percy didn't make a move to speak again, Nico cut in. "Whose quest was it?" Percy froze. He shot his head over to Grover whose eyes were bulging out of his head. Neither answered Nico's question. "Percy, whose quest was it?"

With a small voice, Percy replied. "Will's."

Nico clenched his fists. The ground below them began to shake and tremble. Percy nearly lost his balance.

"Nico-"

"No. You're lying! Will promised me that he'd never leave me! Why are you lying to me? Where's Will?" Nico screamed at a hopeless looking Percy and Grover. They didn't have an answer.

Nico tore away from them and ran to the Apollo Cabin.

Months earlier, Will gave Nico a trick to get into his cabin without going blind from the outer glow. But today, Nico didn't need it. The golden cabin no longer held its bright shine that outshone the very sun. Instead, it was dull, like a bland yellow paint job was hastily put over soggy green wood. Nico pushed inside.

Once Nico and Will came public with their relationship, the Apollo kids all but adopted Nico into their family. He became an honorary member of Cabin Seven, always welcome to stop in. Their familiarity never made Nico uncomfortable, but, instead, became a welcome part of Nico's day; their singing, their poetry, their jokes, even their teasing made Nico smile.

There was no music or laughter when he opened the door. Nico wasn't greeted by the usual smiles or near-death dart experiences. He heard sobs. He saw tears. His heart stammered.

"No." Nico whispered. He ran up to one of Will's siblings, Kayla. "Where's Will?" He asked her in desperation. The sobbing increased at the mention of Will's name. Kayla just looked at Nico in pity. She shook her head, trying, and failing, to hold in her tears. "Where is he?" Nico asked again, with a broken voice.

"He's gone." Her soft voice wasn't above a whisper, but cut into Nico like a dagger. Like one thousand daggers straight through the heart.

"No. No, h-he promised!" He said between sobs. "He promised." Nico's knees buckled and he fell to the ground, his hands covering his eyes; his fingers digging into his hairline - sharply clawing into his flesh.

The Apollo Cabin watched Nico, unable to say anything. Their sobs grew with his. Nico then began to fade from the cabin. For the first time, Nico was able to shadow travel from the Apollo Cabin. For the first time, Cabin Seven was dark enough.

Nico landed in the middle of the Hades Cabin. Nico fell to the ground once more, hot tears streaming down his cold face.

He gasped, feeling a shortness of breath. His heart propelled itself against his ribs, trying to escape the confines of his body. It needed out. Nico needed out.

With a dizzy, aching head, Nico stood up. He walked, though he stumbled with each step. He rubbed his blotchy eyes and wet cheeks, spreading the puddle more than wiping it away.

Then he reached his destination.  
He turned on the lights, then quickly shut his eyes at the blinding light. His head throbbed at the sudden shine. But as his eyes adjusted, Nico looked forward. He starred into his reflection. His red blotchy eyes were without life. They were dull – dark. Frowning, Nico punched his reflection, not hard enough to break the glass, but with enough force to make his hand sting. Nico let out a noise that sounded like a cross between a whimper and a sob. He dropped his forehead against the mirror. His breath fogging the glass. Fogging his reflection. Nico shut his eyes, letting his hand fall and hit the toiletries that were on top of the sink.

Nico opened his eyes, sighing. He bent down to pick the fallen items up, when he spotted a shaving razor. The one Will left in his cabin, complaining that there wasn't any room in the Apollo Cabin's bathroom with so many people. He slowly picked that blade. He remembered the time that he walked in on Will shaving. He had told Will that he didn't have any facial hair to shave, and Will gave him a look of exaggerated insult. Will took the bottle of shaving cream and smeared the content onto Nico's face, who was unable to get out of the way in time. Nico was annoyed at first, but when he got the bottle and sprayed Will back, both boys were clutching their guts with laughter from their mess.

Nico's body trembled. He'd never have another memory like that again. No new experience with Will. He won't see Will ever again. Even being the Son of Hades has its limits. Nico fell to his knees, gripping the razor tightly, making his knuckles white. Swiftly, Nico pulled the blade out of it's handle. He examined the sharp edge, taking quick, deep breaths. Then, he slowly dragged it across his thin wrist in a neat line. Drips of blood glided down the side of his arm and fell to the ground, splattering against the cold ground. Then again. That time faster. Then again. That time deeper. He pushed the blade in, cutting through blood vessels and muscle, cutting and tearing, ripping and slicing. He stopped making neat lines and just cut wherever he saw skin, not just limiting himself to his abused wrist. He made slices down to his elbow, up to his shoulder, then switched sides and did the same damage to his right side.

He grew light-headed as a pool of crimson grew around him, soaking through his pants and staining his shirt. Dizzy, weak, tired, Nico dropped the blade into the puddle and slumped back against the wall. His eyes grew heavy and his breathing turned shallow. He dropped his hand to the side, unable to hold it up for long. He weakly dragged his finger in the blood, spelling out one word before he shut his eyes for good.

Will.

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